he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
