dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
