it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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