It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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