how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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