i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
