he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
