Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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