wanna go halves on a baby?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
