It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
pray to the hookup gods
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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