Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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