dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
