Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
