Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
