hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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