life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
