haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
