Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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