??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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