my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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