All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk is not a location!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
