i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
