I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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