dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
