at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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