I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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