he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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