BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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