i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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