I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
