So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
