If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
