I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
