my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Someone signed my nipple.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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