I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You're so nebulous sometimes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dignity is for republicans.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
