Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
