I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
