tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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