sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
