Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
