tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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