OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
