First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
