I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
