Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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