I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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