just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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