so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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