smell my finger.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
