I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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