What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
