i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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