you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I currently don't understand fingers.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
