Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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