He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
