I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
