After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
