yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
