he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
