I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
