I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
