these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
