Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
