; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
