brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
