Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
