Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
