me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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