My first STD was from a foam party
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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