so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
