Buhtt sex?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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