Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
