And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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