i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
