I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
