Umm I'm too high to move.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
