Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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