he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
