I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
