Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
