u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
