no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
