just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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