Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
