we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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