God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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