If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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