Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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