Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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