drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
