Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
